It wouldn’t be fair to fully review Battle Train due to a few critiques, but I still had a blast trying it out. It taps into one of the most satisfying parts of the brain—the thrill of cool trains and cool explosions. The animation style and humor remind me of The Venture Bros, which is a huge compliment. It’s one of those classic games that are easy to pick up but challenging to master. This game was created by Terrible Posture Games and Nerd Ninjas and published by Bandai Namco Entertainment America Inc. It’s also available now on Steam and Nintendo Switch!
For a Game About Exploding Trains, The Lore Runs Deep
The writing and story are where this game shines. Battle Train is presented as the world’s most popular game show EVER. Contestants get drawn out of a hat to compete against President Conductor Aalvado — I swear each cutscene Aalvado added in a new title — and try to end his 30+ year championship reign. There’s a mockumentary vibe, akin to The Office or This Is Spinal Tap, where the story nodes unlock different interviews behind the scenes with the cast and crew of Battle Train.
We get introduced to Host Hank Hannigan, a network executive with a running gag of reintroducing himself. We meet Joice, the Production Assistant, the real person keeping Battle Train from getting derailed. There are even interviews with the Champions, and I love it when villains are portrayed as if being a bad guy is just their 9-to-5 job. As you unlock more story nodes, it paints a picture that this game show is perhaps in its twilight years, and Aalvado is out of touch with suggestions like the home version of Battle Train needs actual dynamite. Speaking of, each failed run generates consolation prizes. You’ll win items like Battle Train-branded Freezer Meals, a collectible pillow adorned with Aalvado’s face, a second-hand influencer award, and even a brand-new sedan (in-game only, unfortunately).
Game Play Loop and Mechanics
You start as a pre-chosen contestant and have the option to do a tutorial. You select a junction to start with stops along the way for enemies, mini-games, random events, and they all end at a repair station, a shop, and then a fight against one of the champions. The enemy battles have randomly generated maps, and each enemy has a unique gimmick – the little bomb guys can throw bombs more quickly, the wall guys drop more barricades, etc.
Your goal is to connect your train tracks to the enemy bases and then send your train flying off to crash into them. Once this happens, that station is on a cooldown timer. Until a new train gets loaded up, I presume. You get a randomly generated deck full of abilities. There’s also a board deck that everyone draws from – that’s some of the connecting pieces for the tracks. Victories can add a combination of new cards to your deck and new parts. Your actions are determined by the number of minerals you have. You start with a set number and then have to connect to mineral mines to do more actions or use some of your more expensive cards.
You eventually reach the Door of Worthiness, and unfortunately, I have yet to be worthy enough to pass through that door. After a failed run, you get to select from three different contestants. They each have a distinct voice, occupation, hobbies, bonus, and starting card sets. I usually opted for the funniest name and/or hobby. Each failed run adds all of the unlocks to the possible starting cards and reward pools.
Battle Train Tips!
- Do the tutorial: The tutorial does a great job of providing the basics of the game mechanics.
- Prioritize the story nodes: For starters, they add additional lore, and each one had me laughing out loud. This also helps determine if you’re ready to pass through the Door of Worthiness.
- You can’t flip the pieces: This cost me more than a few turns in the early game. You’re able to rotate them to connect them to your existing pieces but you can’t flip them.
- Bombs are key: Bombs blow up the obstacles. You can also target the enemy’s tracks. Bunkers need to be destroyed first to build past them.
- A two way stre–, er track: You can connect to the enemy’s tracks and they will turn over to your color. This can be a good strategy if you have one more base to destroy. It also comes with the risk that they now have an easy way to attack your bases.
This Game Rocks, But Here’s a Few Critiques
I’ve got a couple of issues with Battle Train, and they made my experience go a little off the rails. I’ll try to minimize any spoilers. Some of the boss mechanics felt very unfair. Rainbow Valkyrie has one ability where she can destroy an entire column. She has another ability that allows her to drop barricades near her bases, essentially nullifying any damage. The Sheriff can rearrange all of your tracks or destroy a whole row. If I were deep into the battle, this stun-locked me.
It would be great to have an option that either speeds up the enemy’s turn or allows you to forfeit the run. You can start a new game, but it would leave me faced with “do I just undo all of my progress, or do I just sit here and ride out the inevitable?” There is a section that strongly encourages you to use a specific character to progress. After a few failed runs where I was a beard’s hair from victory, I needed to take a break. I’m sitting at about 35% of the story completion. This bottleneck means there’s still plenty of cutscenes I’d love to see.
This could be because I’m not as skilled at building decks or playing board games. Some people will feel that the challenge is just right or too easy. Fortunately, the developer is very responsive, so I would be happy to revise this with a full review if those items were addressed.
Leave a Reply